bindsthedead | Ximilia inbox

Ugh, I... it's just — I've got this stupid goal, but it kind of... requires I be really invasive to one of my friends and ask them something... And as much as I'd love to put Billy or Peter on the spot, I thought maybe you'd be a better choice.

But I get it if you tell me to buzz off.

What the orbs require can sometimes be... unpleasant. But all of us want to undo our regrets.

[And Sabriel cannot condemn anyone for wanting that. Not when she's no different.]

Ask. If it's too much, I'll refuse.

It... um.

[She tucks some hair back behind her ear, frowning. This is... scummy.]

My goal is to receive a secret from a friend. Something they wouldn't tell anyone else.

I see.

[There is a long, long pause before Sabriel speaks. When she does, it's slowly, reluctantly, like every word is being dragged from her throat, and occasionally, her voice grows tight, like she's about to start crying.]

I died, before my arrival here. I was impaled through the stomach with my own sword.

I was tired, I wanted to pass, but- My father, and all my predecessors, told me I wasn't allowed to. Not until I had someone to replace me as Abhorsen.

So they made me go back.

[... Ah.

Jesus christ.

Is this even worth it? It's not worth it, right? Sure, Ziggy, it's not like a dozen dead children and many killed in the past aren't relying on you to get these orbs' powers; it's totally not like you and your sister's lives depend on this. It's not like fixing things will completely repair the damage done to your cursed town where everyone suffers from the worst luck.]

So they... forced you to stay alive?

They could just — do that? Even when you were dead?

Well, the healing spell my surviving classmates cast helped as well- but yes. They made sure my spirit got back into my body.

[It's not something Sabriel fully understands- they'd been luminous, like the mother-sending (Or had that really been a Sending? Or something else, called from a ritual and a drop of blood?)]

There are some aspects of magic and Death the living aren't meant to know. I suspect it was one of those things.

[Sabriel just sounds.... Tired. And sad. Because thinking of that battle makes her recall everyone else who died that day. Soldiers and schoolgirls who weren't important enough to be brought back to life.]

[She bites her lip, thoughtful.]

But... You're glad for it now, right? That they brought you back?

They did it for the wrong reasons, but you're at least here.

I am... Happy to be alive, yes.

Even in death, they were Abhorsens. And I wouldn't describe their reasons as wrong... the work we do is necessary.

But... My friends, classmates... Many of them died that night as well. That's why I made my bargain with the orb.

Oh...

You want to bring your friends and classmates back.

[She fidgets uncomfortably, eyes downcast.]

That's what I'm trying to do, too. I want to save my sister, but — there are a lot of kids who died the night we did.

Yes.

[Sabriel smiles- faintly, sadly, as memories of her classmates come rushing back.]

That's an understandable regret to have. Death is inevitable, but... sometimes, it's unfair.

Yeah... I mean.

If death always has to happen exactly how it should, why would there be ways to avoid it? To undo it? You'd think if it were really something you have to accept, you wouldn't be able to be here.

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